COUTH v. TRUTH

underneath it all.

i think deep down…i am hurting.

i feel like i hate everyone, i don’t want to deal with them, and i dont care about it at all.

people that try to make me feel better are the worse ones b/c all of that isht is fake. keep it and keep out of my face! i’m over this.

this is a bad sign.

wonder.

eh, life is just as unpredictable as can be. i have no clue what to expect or what to think or what to do half the time. things don’t make sense to me, but i just roll with the punches.

warning - if you don’t like it when i ramble, then yeah….don’t read this.

i truly wonder if what i am doing with my life is what i am supposed to be doing and experiencing. was i supposed to lose that person? am i supposed to be this hurt? why do i go to this school? do i transfer? do i stay? do i move? i feel like i just float along with life so much and damn it, i want to be docked. i want stability. i want everything that i want out of life, but i don’t know how to get it…

i am panicking. in may 2014, i will be a 24 year old lawyer. no partner. no kids. no set future. i have a BA on my back and my eyes in a JD. at this rate, im destined to be single for real, for real. i don’t have time for anything except books and bullshit. i tell you this, law school is a lonely life to live and in my 965 square feet, loneliness slaps me in the face.

so i sit and wonder, daydream, hope, wish, and have faith that everything that crosses my mind will one day be my reality. happiness is currently my life FINALLY. i can say that i am happy and content! when i lost “them” i thought it was overrrrrr…WRONG…i have made it to my happy place and it only gets better from here.

now, i just want a friend who wants to ride with me! lol, noooooo not a relationship…KEEP THAT! just a companion. no rush and no looking… if it happens, it happens. after four years of a relationship, single is actually bringing out the best of me.

ramble complete :)